It has been something I struggled with during my faith crisis. and to be honest I will probably continue to have a few of those walls up as floods of messages came in telling me how sad they are for me, and how much they pity me. BUT I also got a flood of messages coming in of people telling me how much they loved me, not in spite of me leaving, but just because they know who I am as a person and my religion doesn't matter and never has.
Boundaries is a big one that I have been struggling with my whole life. I have constantly let people over step my boundaries in ways I haven't actually been okay with, but I have either been to scared to enforce those boundaries or I was worried that person would feel like I was being uncaring and rude; a problem for me emotionally because i can't stand to have anyone feel like they are not cared for, or that I am rude.
I have had many friends help me in learning about boundaries. Both those who have crossed them and I had to learn to cut them loose, and those who have called me out when they know I am not enforcing them.
The biggest example of this is me in the adoption world. You guys, I have so much love for adoption. It is a MASSIVE part of my life. I wouldn't be sitting at this computer typing these words if it wasn't for adoption. When I started blogging, I started because I had so many emotions and I have always processed my emotions through writing. I wasn't ever in a million years expecting readers to actually read my blog. I started going to conferences, and birth mom activities. I started creating retreats and other events. Because when I was surrounded by these people, by some of you reading this, I felt heard and understood. I felt loved and cared about. I felt whole for just a split second. And a good majority of those I met because of adoption are still my best friends.
The only problem with completely engulfing myself in this world was that I started to lose all sense of boundaries. I welcomed birth moms in my home, some of which were amazing experiences, while others stole from me or it turned sour. But the main issue was always that I would drop anything to drive them somewhere, I would spend money I didn't have to help them. I also would message 10-100 birth moms a day talking to them about their problems. The only thing is, I noticed that few if any asked me about mine. I just threw myself completely into adoption without any regard for my self. My friend Desha, and a few others saw the stress this was causing me, and after much internal fighting with myself, I ditched my old Facebook and made a new Facebook page.
I didn't get the new Facebook because I hated helping people, I didn't do it because I hated adoption. I did it because I needed to. I had to. I had to take back my life and my boundaries.
Ever since then, I have been working hard to do some type of self care regularly.
I stopped limiting myself on Jessa time and because of that beautiful things came about
Retreats started to become easier to come by and plan.
I started focusing on my true friendships and growing in those.
Traveling and Concerts and Staycations have become a regular thing for me and I come back every time feeling refreshed and ready to conquer.
I took control of my mental health and started seeing an incredible therapist.
I built a beautiful relationship with God.
and I just became more engaged in the career I love and with my family.
boundaries will always be something I struggle with. Every time I fight with someone, or an acquaintance ends, or a friendship fades...I harp on it. I overthink it. I cry about it. But it is okay, because at least I know who my true friends are, I know I am whole and taken care of , and I feel better.
I love my friends. I am endlessly and completely loyal to them. They are my rock through so many trials and tough situations. But because I focus on quality over quantity, my life has been greatly enriched and blessed tremendously.
So here is to Boundaries!!