Know Better. Do Better. -- LDS Worthiness Interviews and Lay Clergy

TL;DR -- Listen to THIS PODCAST and think about signing THIS Petition

I have talked about this publicly before. And I am not trying to beat a dead horse, but this needs to be said and it NEEDS to be talked about. 

I am not the only one this has happened to. And this doesn't just happen to "those types of people". This is also not because bishops are bad men. This is a practice issue. This is a culture issue, and authority issue. This is an education issue. Also, the following article is not a dig on my parents, nor is it a dig on the church. It is a know better, do better call to action. 

At 14 years old, I was accused of something horrific. At that time in my life, I was a compulsive liar when it came to my parents because my anxiety leaves me with an intense fear of disapproval. So, there were moments that I lied, even when I didn’t have to because I was scared. Not because my parents beat me, but because I love my parents so much I want their extreme approval for everything. So this horrific accusation, made by some family, was not what they were making it out to be. I was immediately blamed for it, being the older child in the situation, and my life fell apart before my eyes.

I lost one side of my family completely. They rarely if ever talk to me, and when they do, they are superficial and forced. It killed me because this side of my family was the side of family connection I craved the most at this time in my life. I felt completely pushed aside by all of them.

Then, I was forced to go the bishop. Where I sat alone with a 50 something year old man, and he asked me some pretty gross, personal, and inappropriate (in my opinion) questions. This same bishop also told me that I could never actually truly be forgiven in this life and It was up to God on whether he wanted to forgive me when I passed onto the next life. He told me that our lives would play on a big screen in front of everyone and they would all see the disgusting choices I have made. He then disfellowshipped me, which is a very public and shaming punishment for such a young child. At this age, church was everything to me. It was all I knew. Now I had to ignore the sacrament, refuse the request for prayers and talks, then I was released from my calling in Young Women’s. For a teenager, a young teenager, your life may as well be over.

Following that you see my journal (following are actual excerpts) in a matter of weeks go from

“I am so excited for mutual tonight” and “Ward choir today was so amazing”

To

“I will never be able to get married in the temple now” and “I am a horrible person, no wonder my parents hate me”

I found these journal entries the other day, while going through my memory book. I cried through the whole last half of it. It is heart breaking. Throughout this journal, You can see all the things I loved, but you could also see that my anxiety was just taking over my life little by little and I didn’t know at the time, what that was or how to deal with it.

I describe myself in my journal many times as Jessa 1 and Jessa 2, while this may seem scary to some and slightly schizophrenic, what it actually was, was my way of explaining that when my anxiety took over I became a completely different person and when I came out of that anxious state I would feel self-loathing, remorseful, and suicidal. At 14 I mentioned suicide MANY times in my journal, saying how easy it would be for my parents and family if I left, because I was constantly being told I was the cause for all contention, so why live.

I wasn’t a perfect child by any means and will never claim to be, but I was also very deep in a mental illness called anxiety that I didn’t know how to control or even what it was.

While you may think that "this is not a widely run issue, and this doesn't happen often." And you may also think "It is her fault for being a problem teen" STOP. LISTEN.

This is common. It happens all the time. I find it so odd that members use the justification of "Well they are just men, doing their best, trying to help." EXACTLY. They are just men. They are not professional counselors. They are not sexual experts. They are mailmen, businessmen, accountants, etc. They do not and should not have the authority to talk to young children or ANYONE for that matter about sexual practices. It is just setting our children up for situations they should not be in.

Members see these men as some of the utmost authority in our wards and religion. As a child/teen/adult we sometimes have a hard time seeing the line blurring of appropriate/inappropriate. I didn't even question the questions my bishop asked me, because he was a man of God, he must be asking me these questions because God told him to.

Here are my pleas to you.

1. Don't allow your children to go into an interview alone with a bishop, young women's leader, or stake president alone EVER. You just shouldn't.

2. If you choose to allow your teens and children to still go to these interviews alone. At the very least, you better educate them. You tell them what is appropriate and what is not. We spend so much time teaching your children what is appropriate with the law of chastity. We forget to tell our children what is appropriate/inappropriate to be asked from a bishop. And if it is uncomfortable, its probably inappropriate. If it is anything more than are you worthy, its probably inappropriate.

3. For the love of all that is holy. Stop the shame cycle. I really in my heart believe pornography is a yucky thing. But I also believe and have read many research showing that the reason why so many Mormon men have become addicted to it is because of Shame. Masturbation IS natural. Read any number of scientific journals on it. It is normal. What is not normal? Excessive masturbation, using materials to aid in masturbation. Those are what we should be worried about.

I truly hope that even if one person can learn from my story, or so many others, we can stop this. Together we can change this and fix it.