I didn't wait to have sex. I had sex with someone I thought I loved and would love me back forever. I lost my virginity at 18 years old. I knew it was something I wasn't supposed to be doing because of my religion and the morals I had been taught, but I did it anyway. Why? Because if he loves me then it's okay.
Further down the road, I was an 18 year old girl who was pregnant. At 18 I didn't even know which way was up half the time. I had to make grown up choices, because I made the grown up naive choice to have unprotected sex. I chose to place that baby for adoption and it was equally the worst, hardest, most beautiful experience of my life.
Further down that road, I met a man. A man I really did love. A man I wanted to spend forever with. He was willing to accept me, he was willing to love me, even though I had already lost my virginity and had a baby.
The problem was every time we had sex I enjoyed it, but then afterwards all I could think about was how I hadn't waited. One time early on in our marriage I had a pain "down there", I was sure it was an std. It wasn't. But it was the first thing that popped into my mind.
I was and still am, emotionally connected to the person I chose to have sex with, and the person I had a baby with. I have a part of me that is emotionally unavailable to my husband, that isn't fair. It isn't fair to me and it isn't fair to my husband.
So while I think sex shouldn't be taught as a shameful thing, I do believe in teaching women it has emotional consequences. I do believe in teaching girls it is best to wait.
I lost my virginity before I was married and I so so wish I hadn't.
