Nostalgia.

These past few weeks I have been going through a period of NOSTALGIA.

In two months it will be Josie's 6th birthday. 

6 years ago and 2 months ago today:

 i had just placed a baby girl into the arms of her loving family. 

6 years and 2 months ago today:

 i was in complete and utter shock. 

6 years and 2 months ago today:

i was in my dorm room, crying my eyes out, 

trying to figure out how to muster through the heartbreak of my newfound birth mom hood. 

This is me while I was pregnant. Single, pregnant, living in a college town, I was ashamed I was pregnant and single, I was never ashamed of my sweet babe. I was proud of her. I knew she was going to be special. I knew she was going to do good things. 

^^ This is me, doing what college kids do, having the time of my life.^^

^^ This is me, a day before I had Josie. Not knowing that my earth was going to be shattered just a short time later^^

^^ This is me with J. In Love. In Pain. In Confusion. In Heartbreak. In Awe. ^^

^^This is me. Fighting through tears. Trying to pretend for everyone I was okay^^

^^ This is me. A few days after. My Best friend's attempt to make me smile. It worked. If only for a short while.^^

The struggle is real my friends. I have been so emotional. Struggling so badly this past month. I know this birthday has hit me the hardest so far. I love that baby girl. I do not regret my decision. But that doesn't change the fact that things are hard on me emotionally. I still can cry, even if I don't regret it.

One thing hasn't changed:

^^ This girl is still my best friend. I can call her for anything. She gets me. She went through it all with me. She knows everything about the situation. And understands my emotions.^^

And some things DO change:

^^I have these goons to take care of me. To love me. To see me through. ^^

All of these memories, these experiences, I am grateful for them. I always will be. They made me who I am today. "There is always gonna be a part of me that is sloppy, that is dirty, with all the other parts of me. And I like that. " Experiences are what make us. Memories are what help us. 

Love is what gets us through. 

Getting Bigger Everyday

MINA ALYSON

Mina is now 2.5. 

*Her favorite foods are Bratwurst, Pizza, Salad, Watermelon, And Strawberries

*Her favorite activity is to play outside in the pool or swing in the hammock. She also loves to give the dogs a bath and read books. 

*Her favorite book is Barnyard Dance, Happy Hippo/Angry Duck, and The Very Busy Spider.

*Her favorite songs are Happy, Ain't It Fun, Let It go, and Madness

*Her favorite Tv show is STILL Yo Gabba Gabba, But she will now watch Blues Clues.

*Her favorite Movie is Frozen. We know it word for word. 

She can Count to ten, kinda say the alphabet, almost name all her colors, and say her full name.

She has a lot of the songs on the radio memorized, all her favorite books memorized, and she quotes movies all the time. 

She has a love/dislike relationship with Evan. She will hug him one minute and beat him up the next. 

Her phrases as of late:

Yahhhh Buddy

I got Two ems (two of them)

Daddy is a buddy

You are annoying me

I'll Show Ya (from UP)

Somebody's Gonna Die Tonight (Despicable Me 2)

No! I'll do it. 

I don't want to daddy.

You have to work Thursday?

It's 2:56 a clock

Also side note. Mina wears socks on her hands EVERYWHERE! For realsies….she calls them her 2 guhloves. If we do not have them, she loses it and throws a major tantrum. 

EVAN

Evan is 11 Months (on the 30th)

His Favorite foods are Sweet Potatoes, Peaches, Prunes, and anything he finds on the floor crawling around. He also really likes watermelon and strawberries. 

His Favorite Activity is to crawl in the grass, swing in the hammock, and make mom carry him everywhere. 

Evan is a cuddly dude. He just wants to be cuddled all the time. 

He can crawl.

Pull himself up.

Feed himself finger foods.

Stick his tongue out. 

Sit up in the bathtub by himself. 

He isn't talking just yet because he is a little delayed due to him being deaf for most of his short life. But now that he is hearing he is starting to babble a lot more and i expect him to start saying words sooner rather than later. He is also close to cruising and maybe walking. 

This kid is seriously the happiest kid in the world. I don't even know what to say but i hit the jackpot. 

Dear Single Dad Laughing:

I feel your pain. I do.

I once was single. and pregnant, then placed my daughter for adoption. 

I was "unworthy" for a LONG period of time. 

I missed a lot of my friends weddings, adoption sealings, and what not. 

But THIS article. This made my stomach hurt. I love your blog. I think it is hilarious. Every time you write another article I sit up in bed and laugh my butt off. This article though, I think it was just bad. 

I understand what it is like to be left out. I understand how it feels to be a little angry towards God, The bishop, the ward, whomever you choose. No one likes to be told they aren't "special enough" or "worthy enough", No one enjoys being excluded. 

Your article reached a new level of bashing, rude, and downright mean in my opinion. If you were once apart of the church you know that for the most part, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints are good people, filled with good hearts. Just as Catholics, Jewish, Baptist, Seventh-Day, Evangelical, etc. The LDS faith focuses on service, love, and family. I got married in the temple. I had to go through the church court, the interviews, everything to get there; but i made it. I loved every minute of it. I sat across the alter from my husband and we were married for time and all eternity. 

Guess what? The church did pay millions for the temples. They do get that money from tithing, but they also get that money from businesses they run. They are self sufficient. You know what else the church has done for me? They paid my rent when i was going to be evicted, they paid for groceries when I had no food, and they helped me find a job when i got laid off. ALL while I was unable to PASS THE QUESTIONS. 

So they have the temple that is sacred and separate. That is their right. Unfortunately it does leave people out, but that is their right. 

You like to get personal so I will too, I have someone very close to me going through a faith crisis. He is the one man I love more than anything in the world. He isn't so sure how he feels about things in the church anymore. He had to miss my sisters wedding, he had to miss our closest friend's wedding. The crazy thing is, No one was upset or appalled by him. They loved him. They hugged him. They invited him into the pictures. It isn't people pretending they care about you (at least in my experience, if it is your experience…you need new family and friends) They genuinely loved him and missed him being there. They are happy you are there to celebrate anyways. 

Here is something I think you were unaware of, as I just became aware of it. In the temple recommend interview, the question that is mostly end all beat all (unless you hate mormonism) Is " do YOU feel worthy" This is an INCREDIBLE question to put in. They are asking you what you think about yourself. They are asking you to take responsibility for yourself. I could not be happier that they chose to put this question into the interview. 

Your lifestyle is different from mine, It is very different. You expected everyone to jump off their seats and be loving and supportive of your new found bisexual lifestyle. Guess what? For the most part people did. But even more important is, shouldn't we Mormons expect the same from you? Can you not give us the same respect that our lifestyle is different? I love you and continue to read your blog even though you are gay, even though you have decided to not be Mormon anymore. Can I not expect the same from you? I thought I could. 

I encourage you to re examine how you talk about other religions so harshly. Because if this was an article about Gays. you would be all over that infuriated. Gays are a group of people, Mormons are a group of people. Not the same? Okay what if I wrote a seething article about confessional in the catholic church…then what? Same thing.

Let us be accepting. You have the right to be hurt. YES. You don't have the right to be mean. 

Springing into Summer!

Mina enjoyed Easter. She found candy and then ate it. That would be stellar for any two year old. Wes this year thought it would be rad to hide papers in the eggs and gave books to the children. The books were things like Barbara Bush's Biography. yah…not so stellar. 

Then we took our family pics on actual Easter Sunday. My kids are so cute, it kills me. 

It was my birthday and Richard's Birthday. We are May 3rd Twins. I love having someone who is always as excited about my birthday as I am :) 

Went to Tucanos with some of my favorite people!! It was so fun!! I love meat, and i love hanging out with friends so overall it was a wonderful day!

Mina is into picking out her outfits. She currently like snow boots even when 80 degrees outside. 

My sister in law send me my FAVORITE thing from Oregon (besides Burgerville, but I doubt that would last in the mail)

Desha came to visit and I was so happy!

The next week Alysia came! Brought friends for Mina and good times. 

Wes and I went to New York and DC. I will post a blog post about that soon!

I love my Mina Mooseph! She is learning her alphabet, colors, and numbers. She is really smart and blows my mind. 

Evan is turning 1 in July! he is getting so much better! He got tubes in his ears and everything changed for him. We found out he has been deaf and has LaryngoMalacia. He is able to imitate sounds, crawl, and now pull himself up!

Then to top off the awesomeness, I got a rad card from Josie for birth mother's day. notice how She is brown and I have jaundice. Also notice that she is taller than me. This is probably going to be accurate soon. That girl is growing like a weed! I love her so much!