Nostalgia.

These past few weeks I have been going through a period of NOSTALGIA.

In two months it will be Josie's 6th birthday. 

6 years ago and 2 months ago today:

 i had just placed a baby girl into the arms of her loving family. 

6 years and 2 months ago today:

 i was in complete and utter shock. 

6 years and 2 months ago today:

i was in my dorm room, crying my eyes out, 

trying to figure out how to muster through the heartbreak of my newfound birth mom hood. 

This is me while I was pregnant. Single, pregnant, living in a college town, I was ashamed I was pregnant and single, I was never ashamed of my sweet babe. I was proud of her. I knew she was going to be special. I knew she was going to do good things. 

^^ This is me, doing what college kids do, having the time of my life.^^

^^ This is me, a day before I had Josie. Not knowing that my earth was going to be shattered just a short time later^^

^^ This is me with J. In Love. In Pain. In Confusion. In Heartbreak. In Awe. ^^

^^This is me. Fighting through tears. Trying to pretend for everyone I was okay^^

^^ This is me. A few days after. My Best friend's attempt to make me smile. It worked. If only for a short while.^^

The struggle is real my friends. I have been so emotional. Struggling so badly this past month. I know this birthday has hit me the hardest so far. I love that baby girl. I do not regret my decision. But that doesn't change the fact that things are hard on me emotionally. I still can cry, even if I don't regret it.

One thing hasn't changed:

^^ This girl is still my best friend. I can call her for anything. She gets me. She went through it all with me. She knows everything about the situation. And understands my emotions.^^

And some things DO change:

^^I have these goons to take care of me. To love me. To see me through. ^^

All of these memories, these experiences, I am grateful for them. I always will be. They made me who I am today. "There is always gonna be a part of me that is sloppy, that is dirty, with all the other parts of me. And I like that. " Experiences are what make us. Memories are what help us. 

Love is what gets us through.